Achieved and Accomplished

Yesterday was a turning point for me.

I sit here and write my blog posts, I tap away on my keyboard on a daily basis wondering if anyone really reads, if anyone really wants to know what I am talking about.  I have campaigned for what I believe in via social media,  I have asked friends and family to rally round and support various petitions and  I am responsible for communications at the charity I work for, yet I have had a fear of speaking for as long as I can remember.

I am a home bird.  I love SAFE.  I love ROUTINE and I love COMFORTABLE.  This fear of speaking wasn’t just about public speaking,  it was about walking into a room of complete strangers and trying to make conversation,  it was about the fear of getting it wrong and making a fool of myself.  It was about stepping out of my comfort zone and being myself and feeling the need to be accepted.

Over the past few months I have had to push myself further and further out of my comfort zone to fight for my sons right to reach his education potential.  I had a meeting with the head education ponchos at the local council and I can’t explain how nervous I was.   After that amazing meeting I realised they were only human.  They listened and they didn’t look down on me.  It opened a door for me.  It made me realise that my comfort zone had been holding me back.

I suppose working in the job I do and seeing lists of people who you have chatted with and laughed with and who have sadly lost their battle with cancer, you get a real insight into how life can change in an instant.  How planning for retirement could actually be a waste of time.  Life isn’t a dress rehearsal – words I have said over and over again for some time years yet only recently have I started living by them.

Yesterday was my day to jump way out of my comfort zone and I grabbed it with two hands.

For as long as I can remember I have hated standing up in front of anyone and speaking.  I hated drama at school and always opted for behind the scenes rolls. I think this stems from a very early performance in a school nativity when I played a Sheppard.  The time came to leave the stage and I walked one way and the other Sheppard’s walked the other way.  Funny how something so simple can affect you . . .

I remember one day in my early 20’s when I was asked to chair a staff meeting and I mumbled my way through the whole thing with staff constantly asking me to slow down, speak up and stop mumbling.  The more they asked the worse I got.

Just recently I have been asked to do public speaking as part of my job and it freaked me out.  I did managed to have the courage to tell my manager.   She was brilliant and we penciled in weekly opportunities to work on this but three weeks in and I was still struggling and broke down in tears.   I couldn’t even get up at a friends hen do and play a game of charades!

So yesterday I attended Richard McCann’s #iCanSpeak Bootcamp and whoa what a day.

We started the day introducing ourselves.  As we worked around the table, the closer it got to me standing up, the more the sense of panic took hold of me.  At one point I thought I was going to bolt out of the door.  Everyone else seemed to be so confident and knew what they wanted to say.  I felt like a rabbit in the headlights and I couldn’t even get up and say my name without bursting into tears.  We talked about that first presentation and it seemed I was so wrong.  Everyone was nervous, everyone was there to improve their skills and not one of them criticised me for falling to piece.  From that moment on I put my heart and soul into getting the best out of the day.  I took on board all the hints and tips and watched everyone else grow in confidence too.

For me all I could have hoped for was to get through the day by making at least one speech without crying but I got so much more out of it.

Life is too short to have regrets.  Get out there and challenge yourself.

 

 

Lets Get Twiddling

In a bid to try and stop eating later in the evening I needed to find a hobby.  I love knitting but have never been good with patterns.  Give me a knit 1 purl one item and I am off.

I saw a post in the local paper about and urgent call for knitters from the  Bradford Royal Infirmary Dementia Champion.  They were calling for people to get knitting Twiddle Muffs.

I had no idea what one was but decided to get in touch and see what it was all about.  I also checked them out on Google and realised they might be rather easy fr little old me t make..

So what is a Twiddle Muff I hear you say.

Well in short, they are a tube of knitting or material that a dementia patient can put their hands in (the muff).  The Twiddle part comes from all the bits and bobs you attached to the muff.  These can be button, zips, pockets, beads.  You name it, as long as they are secure, they can be twiddled.  Not only does the muff keep the hands warm, they also keep hands busy.

There are various patterns on the internet or available from the internet but this is my version.

You will need:

Size 5 needles

Balls of different textured wool (I wrapped them round my fingers 90 times).  The wool also needs to be thick but don’t worry if you only have single ply as you can double it up.

 

 

 

 

Cast on 54 stitches and knit a row, purl a row, changing colours and textures as you go.

Once the piece measure 23cm cast off.

You then need to add all the ‘Twiddle’ bits.

Then fold the knitting in half along the long edge and sew.

 

 

 

 

Lastly you need to fold one end up so that you can sew the short ends together.

One twiddle muff takes me about 3 nights to complete (6 hours).  I love making them and they have been snapped up really quickly when I have taken them in person to the BRI.

I have just hot a snag though.  I have run out of wool!!!!!  I have beads and buttons coming out of my ears from donations from lovely friends but I have no more wool.

Fingers crossed the wool fairies turn up soon so I can show you some more of my creations.

Start As I Mean To Go On

I know we are only on day 3 of 2015 but so far so good.

I feel better for eating better (who knew!) and I am trying to do some form of exercise every day.  It’s going well at the minute as the normal routine hasn’t kicked in but I am working on ways to incorporate exercise in to every day.

The kids are getting older and have reached that age were they are more than happy to sit in their bedrooms all day on computers and I am adamant that isn’t going to happen on my shift.

I bought a book of walking routes for the family for Christmas and my plan is to do at least one a month with all 4 of us.  My son also showed an interest in parkrun just before Christmas and I am determined this will be good for all of us.  OK the eldest has just hit the teenage body clock and doesn’t surface until after 10am, so it’s just me and my boys but it is working so far.

Today was the first Bradford parkrun of 2015 and it was a great turn out.  432 people turned out to take part in the 5k.  My goal was to get a new PB of 45 mins and apply for my Virtually Running medal.  This wasn’t meant to be.  I started fast and struggled.  I knew it was fast as my husband hadn’t lapped me by the time I reached the end of lap 2! That was a good feeling but it didn’t spur me on enough.  The last lap was like wading through treacle.  By the time I reached the flat I was down to a jog and walk.  It gets pretty lonely out there on lap 3 when everyone else has finished and you have no one else to cheer you on.  The Marshall’s are your only source of encouragement and my PMA decided to desert me.  I started panic breathing just before the Teeny Tiny Hill.  Luckily I spotted my son walking back to find me and he calmed me down and pushed me on.  Tony at Tony’s Corner gave me some sound advice about sorting my breathing out and I made it home.  47 minutes which was really disappointing for me.

I was close to tears when I finished and just wanted to get home.

My son was so supportive of me and he actually reminded me that this was the first ever run I had done on my own, with no one to support me.  I’ve always run with someone else to spur me on but not today.  I suppose you can say you could tell as it was a slow time, but you know what I blooming did it and it is a starting point.

I’m ok when other people are with me as I focus on them, but on my own I go into panic mode.  So next time. I will work on my PMA and try and find something else to concentrate on.

I am beginning to think parkrun will be the making of me.

 

 

 

My First Ever parkrun

Seeing my son get so interested in running after taking part in Skipton Santa Run and asking, no begging to take part in Bradford parkrun, has spurred me on.

I have been feeling so lethargic of late and the thought of doing any form of physical activities has filled me with dread. Watching my son and my husband take part in their first parkrun last weekend I kind of got bitten by the bug again. Only a little bite but a bite never the less.

8am came and I woke and looked out of the window. It was really icy and I fully expected parkrun to be cancelled but the good folk of Bradford weren’t going to let a little ice get in the way. We set off with a very tired and grumpy 11 year old and joined 200 other runners.

My daughter announced on the start line that she wasn’t running, which at the times was OK with me as this was my first experience of taking part in the parkrun. After the first hill I felt the urge and wanted to test the water with my jogging again. I wanted to know if I could still do it, if I had lost the ability to breathe properly and weather the panic attacks would come back, after 2 months of not running. My daughter had other ideas as she was adamant she wasn’t doing any running. That first lap was so frustrating. I really wanted to give it a go but I spent most of my time trying to coax my daughter into joining me. The not so little tinker decided she would sprint up the Teeny Tiny Hill though!

Lap two and I wasn’t prepared to be last so left my daughter to walk. I couldn’t believe I was out there, running, on my own, and not being too bothered about the people around me. My biggest feared has always been about being last, or at the back alone, where everyone is cheering just you. The fear of all those claps and cheers and eyes being solely on you. Yes this was the case today and it really wasn’t as bad as I thought.

There is something about the running community, especially parkrun. Something that I’m not used to experiencing. Every clap, every cheer, every shout of ‘well done’ is truly meant. Those claps and cheers didn’t make me want to stop and hide, they made me want to carry on and finish.

I wasn’t last and I was only 40 seconds behind the runner in front. Plenty to improve on.

Thanks to everyone at Bradford parkrun for putting in hundreds of voluntary hours and bringing together a running community that is inclusive and a great place to build confidence and increase fitness levels for the whole family. I honestly never thought I would get into running and I may never be fast but today you made me feel part of the team x

 

 

Frustrating Times

I have been putting off writing this post for far too long, so here goes.

I’ll cut to the chase and apologies now as I didn’t take part in The Great Yorkshire Stair Climb (GYSC).

It has taken me some time to come to terms with it.  Up until the week before I was trying my best to ignore the fact that I just wasn’t well.  The flu had knocked me out both physically and mentally and try as I might I just couldn’t get round to feeling better.

The Tuesday before GYSC I undertook an exercise class and began to feel really weak part way through.  I didn’t finish the class and went home feeling utterly exhausted.  So tired, in fact , that I slept for 15 hour solid!  I know I love my sleep but this felt so wrong.  The docs confirmed that this wasn’t unusual after a bout of the flu, and despite it being 3 weeks after the last cold type symptoms had disappeared, it could take several weeks for my body to recover.  On top of this if you try to get back to ‘normal’ too quickly after flu you can cause yourself more harm than good.  Hmmm.  I have never been one to sit around and do nothing, and with hind sight maybe I did try to get back to normality to soon, but I honestly thought I could fight it.

Coming to terms with not taking part in GYSC was hard.  Saying no is something that doesn’t come easy to me, and having to tell people who had sponsored me that I wouldn’t be taking part was so hard.  They, of course, were very kind and supportive, but it hurt.

Not only have I found this tough but I also had to pull out of today’s Skipton Santa Run.  It was terribly frustrating watching every one else running past, but I knew if I took part I would end up pushing myself too hard and ending up back at square one.

I could dwell on the negative but I can’t let that eat me up.  I have to get through the next few weeks, enjoy Christmas with my lovely family and get back to being healthy again.

 

 

The Month That Knocked The Stuffing Out Of Me.

Well am I glad to see the back of October. I was hit with what I thought was the worst cold I have ever had only to find out 3 weeks later that it was flu. I am still struggling with it now and what with not doing any exercise for 3 weeks it is a struggle to get going again.

If that wasn’t enough October also saw me finding out one of my children is being screened for a form of dyslexia. It’s a hard thing to take in. As a mum you don’t like to think of your own flesh and blood as anything but perfect. I know it isn’t life threatening and there are so many children and families out there with far worse health problems to cope with but it still doesn’t stop my maternal instinct kicking in. I have gone through feeling angry with the school for not spotting it earlier, to beating myself up for being a bad mum for not shouting louder when I knew something wasn’t quite right, to pure relief that my child is now getting the support they need.

Winter is never usually good for me either. I love fresh air and the dark nights usually make me feel like hibernating or at the very least waking up when it’s light and going to bed when it’s dark. I was determined not to be beaten by it this year and invested in a SAD lamp. I can quite honestly say it’s the best thing I ever bought. Waking up to day light is great!

Not that I like dwelling on the woes in my life I also had numerous other stress related activities to deal with in October.

Of course one of these was Cancer Support’s highlight in the events calendar – The Ladies Pink Lunch. Anyone who has ever organised a fundraising event for 200 people will tell you how much work goes on behind the scenes. It was tiring but on the day everything went to plan, the ladies had a fabulous time and over £6,000 were raised.

So why am I telling you all this? Well you know what. I am only human and sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That light came this morning. I knew I had to get back to doing some exercise. I was worried that if I left it too long I’d go back to wanting to stay in bed till lunch and gong through the whole of winter comfort eating and feeling so lethargic.

I’d arranged my usual Sunday morning jog and was driving to the car park when I received a text. I waited until I parked up and read it. My friend couldn’t make. This has never happened before and up to now I would have just turned round and gone home. Today I knew how much I needed to get back running. I wasn’t worried and just got out of the car and set off.

It wasn’t fast or long and I didn’t jog all of it, but I did it. I didn’t once panic about who saw me or what I looked like. All I was interested in was clearing my head and testing the water with my breathing after having the flu.

One lap was enough for a first run on my own. My fitness levels had obviously reduced but I was fitter than I thought I would be and I did it on my own. One huge step forward and a massive realisation that I need to run to help clear my head.

It is now only 21 days until The Great Yorkshire Stair Climb. I will take part no matter what. I haven’t been my usual sponsorship requesting self, and still have a long way to go to meet my target, but this isn’t just about money. This is my first physical challenge, where I know I won’t be the first and could possibly be one of the slowest but it has helped me become a stronger healthier person.

One Step Forward and 6 steps Back

Well what a week I’ve had.  Just when I was getting back into it and getting my training back on track I get poleaxed by flu!

I have to admit I wasn’t feeling 100% last Saturday.  My throat was causing me some pain but I was determined not to let it get the better of me.  I dosed myself up with throat spray and managed the best 5k time I have ever done.

I felt pretty poorly for the rest of the day but kept myself rested.  Monday nights running club I struggled and I was disappointed with myself, but I haven’t run two days on the trot before and put it down to that.

Come Wednesday night I just couldn’t fight it any longer.  I did the school run and literally fell asleep at 5pm.  Thursday afternoon I realised there was just no way I was going to get to running club.  I was so upset.  Never before have I cared about anything when I have been ill but I felt like I was letting everyone down.  I was the one who asked everyone else to join the course yet I was the one not able to run.

Since Wednesday I haven’t been out of the house.   I was starting to get cabin fever and tried a walk today.  A little part of me wanted to test the water to see if I could run tomorrow night.  I only managed a short walk and felt exhausted.   I spoke to a few running buddies and they advised me that I would be stupid to try running tomorrow night.  With two sessions missed there is just no way I can get back up to speed.  That and the fact we have the biggest fundraising event of works calendar coming up next week and The Great Yorkshire Stair Climb only 5 weeks away I need to concentrate on getting well.

So here I am feeling totally fed up with myself and wondering whether I will actually be able to complete the stair climb.  Any positive thoughts would be much appreciated right about now x

 

 

 

Sarah Is Back In The Game

Well I apologies for my last post.  I don’t like to be negative but it needed to be aired, I needed to get it off my chest in order to move forward.

I have been having a rather rubbish week and the SAD lamp hasn’t been doing its job – mainly because I aint been getting out of bed early enough for it to make any difference.  Some days my alarm has been put back on snooze 6 times!  Must remember to change the timer for it to stay on until I leave the house in a morning.

When the dark nights draw in I go into hibernation mode.  It is so dark in a morning I just don’t want to get up.  This in turn means I don’t get time to look after myself and prepare myself for the day ahead.  I start the day tired and when I am tired I crave junk.  Bread, biscuits, cake, chocolate, coffee, you name it my brain tells me I need it.  Every year without fail I have put at least a stone on over the winter months and I refuse to keep doing this!

The running club is my attempt at combating the dark nights.  Monday was the first session and after the stretches and warm up I felt confident I  could do it.  Running and stopping is quite alien as I have been building up to 5k since May and usually when I stop I find it so difficult to get started again.  I didn’t want this to happen at running club so I carried on going.  Big mistake – The pace was faster than anything I have done before and I started flagging at the half way point.

Tonight’s run was completely different.  I stuck to the program and ran when I was told to run and managed all 10 1 min runs, albeit at the back for the last 2, but I wasn’t that far behind and I did it.

Just looked at my Gamrin results (I do love a good statistic) Best 1k time up to starting running club was 8.45mins for 1k.  Monday we were at 8.15mins and tonight we reached 8.08.  Doesn’t sound a lot but it is all going in the right direction.

Next week we up the anti and I am slightly worried that I am going to drop off the back of the pack but I will see how I get on.  Also worried about the pain in my knees but hoping a few lunges and strength exercises are going to build me back up for Great Yorkshire Stair Climb.

I’ll leave you with my motivation for this week – The last 2 minute runs I started to detached for the pack and the lovely run helper Helen kept saying I could stop at any point if I needed to.  Not one for talking when I am running but I mustered a hefty NO.  A colleague from work was running with us and she made me smile when she said ‘No? Our Sarah doesn’t do no’.  Loves ya Cazza x I wont give up x

 

 

 

 

Got To Keep On Keeping On

I’m not usually one for holding back but I feel this last week I haven’t been able to write a blog post because I feel quite negative.

I always find that if my diet (of healthy eating plan I should say) goes really well, the amount of exercise I do is reduced. It really takes so much effort and concentration to eat healthy all of the time. One blip on a day when I am tired and the vicious circle begins all over again. I do now find it easier to stop myself but it frustrates me that all my hard work can be ruined in such a short time period.

The last couple of weeks I have concentrated on eating more – Yes you heard me right! I was told that I wasn’t eating enough protein and have made a conscious effort to change this. Combined with drinking more water this has been quite successful but then the exercise has taken a back seat.

Two weeks of short runs wasn’t going to cut it so I signed up for Saltaire Striders beginners running course which started on Monday.

As some of you know already, running hasn’t come easy to me and the added issue of confidence has really stopped me from going out running on my own.  Feeling proud of myself after signing up for the beginners running course I decided to bite the bullet and go for a run on my own.   So last Sunday I woke up before my alarm at 7am, dressed in my dapper running attire and drove to a local park.  I was just going to attempt a gentle jog but I froze.  I sat in my car watching everyone else running and I couldn’t move.  30 minutes later I realised I’d been sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks.  Why couldn’t I do it?  Why couldn’t I just do what so many others were doing and jog!

It hurt.  I was really disappointed in myself but when I got home I also realised that 5 months ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of running, of forgoing my Sunday morning lie in for a cold drive to the park for a run.  I wouldn’t have signed up for a beginners running course and I certainly wouldn’t have signed up for The Great Yorkshire Stair Climb.

It is now just over 6 weeks until I take on Bridgewater Place and the race is on to get my running legs back and hopefully conquer my fear of taking part in a physical challenge.  Wish me luck.

 

Where There Is A Will There Is A Way – 2 Months To Go!

This weekend saw some huge leaps forward in my training for The Great Yorkshire Stair Climb.  Good job really as I’ve just realised it’s only 2 months away!

I have been struggling to fit in more than 2 exercise sessions a week and it was really getting me down. What with kids being at different schools, my husband working shifts and overtime we couldn’t refuse it has been tough both mentally and physically.

The logistics have been a nightmare and in the past I have used this as an excuse far too often. Running has made me realise that the main barrier I have is myself. I am the one who says I can’t do it. I am the one who hasn’t believed in myself. I am the one who has stopped myself from doing the things I really wanted to do.

Sunday morning felt like a switch had been flicked.

I went for a little jog with my husband and although it was only a couple of k, I ran solidly for it all, I ran up two rather steep hills and I felt comfortable running with my husband in a public place (sounds really silly but it is a hard thing to do when you are over weight and feel very self-conscious). Ooh and I also found some fab steps to help with my Great Yorkshire Stair Climb!

Later on Sunday we went to Bradford Sky Ride. I’d booked in months ago and hadn’t given it much thought. When the route went public I began to get really scared. The very first section went up Sunbridge Road. A pretty steep hill, but then most of Bradford is on a hill!

The last time I did a Sky Ride I couldn’t muster enough strength to ride up the smallest hill let alone a steep one, with 6500 other riders!!!

We missed the start as we were still registering for the ride. I was fine with that as the thought of setting off in the middle of a pack and having to get off my bike and walk up the hill was a bit frightening. Woo betide I knocked anyone off their bike.  How embarrassing would that be.

So we set off in our own time and guess what . . . I made it up that hill! I was so surprised and so proud at the same time. There was no stopping me after that and my 9-year-old son kept telling me how well I was doing. The rest of the hills weren’t so steep and I was confident I could conquer them all. All because I believed in myself.

Finishing the event was a real buzz. I really felt like I had achieved something. I now knew I was fitter and stronger than ever before. It was so nice just being part of the ride and enjoying it rather than being worried about what any one thought.

The ride spurred me on to what came next. .

While having a nosy around Facebook I found a post by Saltaire Striders about a new 8 week running course for beginners. I read up on it and really felt like it was what I wanted to do. Only one hitch – sorting out childcare for 2 nights a week for 8 weeks. At first it felt impossible but after a teeny weeny strop and a lot of encouragement from my husband we managed to sort it all out. Just got to keep my fingers crossed nothing comes up at the kids schools on the run nights over the next 8 weeks.

So you see I think I finally believe I can do this. 🙂

Oh and now time for the shameless plug.  2 months to go until I run, stagger and maybe crawl up 522 steps of Bridgwater Place. 

Just £1 per step will provide 20 counselling sessions at Cancer Support Bradford & Airedale for someone affected by a cancer diagnosis.

Every step sponsored is a step towards helping local people come to terms with, and cope with cancer. 

People like my father in law. 

Please dig deep x

Click here to make a donation x